So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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