Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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