I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You made out with two different species that night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
