It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
