New invention idea: vibrating tampons
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
