question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
