i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
