I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
