Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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