perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
