I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was born a porn star she said
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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