my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
