Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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