Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
