I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
