You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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