Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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