so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
