theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
