wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
