Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
