Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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