Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
