I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
