I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
