"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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