it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
