why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
