The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
