youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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