I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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