look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
