Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
