Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
