I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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