I got chris browned last night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
