I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
