Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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