I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
