At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
