Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
