my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
