A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
