From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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