She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
