i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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