he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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