You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
