I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
