I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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