38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
