You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
