i used baking grease as lip gloss
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
