Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
