I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A+ Viking dick
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