If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
