Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
