winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
